POISONS THAT KILL FRIENDSHIPS

Victor M. Eskew

 

INTRODUCTION

 

A.     What are these:  polonium, VX, Sarin, Ricin?

 

B.      What are these:  cleaning supplies, button batteries, plants, medications, pesticides?

 

C.     We do all we can to stay away from these kinds of things because they can harm and destroy.

 

D.     Today, we are having our “Bring A Neighbor Day.”

1.       We have invited our friends and family members to be with us.

2.       We share relationships with these individuals that are important to us.

 

E.      There are many things that are deadly toxins to our friendships. 

 

F.      In this lesson, we want to discuss, “The Poisons of Friendships.”

 

I.                    BREAKING CONFIDENCE

 

A.     All relationships are founded upon the bedrock of trust.

 

B.      One of these things that I trust a friend to do is to hold tightly everything they know about me both good and bad.

 

C.     When something is told in confidence and that thing is spread to others, trust is destroyed.  Sometimes the friendship is destroyed.

 

II.                 HYPOCRITICAL LOVE (Prov. 11:9)

 

A hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbor:  but through knowledge shall the just be delivered.

 

A.     The hypocrite loves you to your face, but destroys you behind his/her back.

 

B.      Was Judas a friend of the poor? (John 12:3-6)

 

Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair:  and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment.  Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, which should betray him, Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?  This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein.

 

III.              BETRAYAL

 

A.      A true friend is one that supports us and sticks up for us, even during the tough times. (See II Sam 16:16-18, Absalom questions Hushai’s friendship with David)

 

B.      When a friend betrays us, trust is broken and the friendship is hard to maintain.

1.       David was betrayed by his trusted friend and counsellor name Ahithophel (Ps. 41:9).

 

Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.

 

2.       In like manner, Jesus was betrayed by one of His apostles, Judas Iscariot (John 13:21, 26).

 

When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me…Jesus answered, He it is, to whom I shall give sop, when I have dipped it.  And when he had dipped the sop, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon.

 

IV.              CONFLICTS THAT GROW

 

A.     All relationships will experience difficulties and conflicts from time to time.

1.       We are not perfect people.

2.       We have differences of opinion.

3.       We do not always think before we act.

4.       We do not always make good choices.

5.       We sometimes run our mouths too much.

 

B.      When a conflict occurs, friends need to resolve the issue as quickly as possible (Matt. 18:15).

 

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone:  if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

 

C.     A failure to talk about the issue will only cause it to grow and fester. 

1.       The two grow distant because they will not talk.

2.       The conflict festers and explodes with anger, hurt, and words that should not have been said.

 

V.                 CHANGE

 

A.     Life has one constant.  It is always changing. 

 

B.      Many changes can cause friendship to come to an end.

1.       Graduation

2.       Moving

3.       Marriage

4.       Having children

5.       Switching jobs

6.       Grief

7.       Conversion

a.       After we become Christians, we realize that some of the friendships we had in the past were not very healthy.  If we continue in them, they could put our souls in jeopardy again.

b.      II Corinthians 15:33

 

Be not deceived:  evil communications corrupt good manners.

 

 

 

 

 

VI.              NEGATIVITY

 

A.     Definition:

1.       Lacking positive or affirming qualities

2.       A person who constantly worries, is pessimistic, complains a lot, uses the word “but” a lot, misses out on the good things of life, puts a negative spin on the positive things of life, is very judgmental of others.

 

B.      Positive people inspire.  Negative people deflate.

Positive people give energy.  Negative people take energy.

Positive people see light.  Negative people grope in darkness.

Positive people say:  “We can.”  Negative people say:  “We can’t.”

Positive people do.  Negative people talk and do not.

Positive people encourage.  Negative people discourage.

Positive people bring hope.  Negative people bring despair.

Positive people love a challenge.  Negative people complain about challenges.

 

C.     A negative person can be tolerated for a short period of time, but when all is doom and gloom, who needs that in their life?

 

D.     Paul was not a negative person (See Phil. 4:13).

 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

 

VII.           A LACK OF RECIPROCITY

 

A.     Friendship is all about giving and taking.

1.       It is not always 50/50, but we understand this.

2.       Sometimes we give more.  At other times, we take more. 

3.       But, we understand that friendships are a back and forth relationship.

4.       Jesus laid down His life for us as a friend, and, we reciprocate our love by obeying His commandments (John 15:14).

 

B.      If one friend is always giving, but never receiving, he grows frustrated and discouraged.  Eventually, he/she may cut off the relationship since he gets nothing, and since it seems he is being taken advantage of by the other person.

 

VIII.        CONSTANT CRITICISM

 

A.     When Job was afflicted, his friends came to him (Job 2:11).

 

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zopphar the Naamathite:  for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.

 

B.      These men saw Job’s state and assumed that sin in his life was the cause of all of the evil that had come upon him.  Their criticism of him was constant.

 

C.     Job’s reply (Job 16:1-2)

 

Then Job answered and said, I have heard many such things:  miserable comforters are ye all.

 

IX.               POSSESSIVENESS (JEALOUS)

 

A.     Possessive:  showing an excessive desire to possess, control, or dominate

 

B.      A possessive person is not a fun person to be around.

1.       They consume the time of another person.

2.       They ask the person to give up important things for them.

3.       They are jealous of others in their friend’s life.

4.       They can pout and be angry when they do not get their time with us.

 

C.     Their possessiveness is in direct conflict with the definition of love.

1.       Love looks out for the best interest of the other person (I Cor. 13:5, “seeketh not her own”).

2.       The possessive person is looking out for his/her personal interest.

 

X.                  TEMPER

 

A.     A temper involves the display of anger.

1.       Yelling, cursing, belittling

2.       Embarrassing displays of poor behavior

3.       Cutting statements

 

B.      What a person with a temper fails to understand is that his behavior wounds the other person even when the anger is not directed toward that person.

1.       Embarrassment

2.       A need to justify the behavior

3.       A need to confront the behavior

4.       Emotional hurt if directed toward the individual

 

C.     Even the counsel of the Bible reveals that we should not be friends with an angry individual (Prov. 22:24).

 

Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go.

 

XI.               DESIRING TO BE IN CHARGE

 

A.     There are some people who have a “take charge” type of personality.

1.       They love to direct.

2.       They have a very difficult time following.

3.       They fail to understand that sometimes they

a.       Run rough shod over others

b.      Fail to stay in their boundaries

c.       Assume authority that they have not been given

d.      Do not consider the wishes of others

 

B.      Philippians 2:3-4 comes to mind.

 

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

 

1.       It should not be:  “I like Asian food so everyone else will eat Asian food.”

2.       It should be:  “What do you care to eat?  I can eat just about anything.”

XII.            BITTERNESS:  HOLDING ON TO PAST HURTS & UNABLE TO FORGIVE  (Ex., Jacob and Esau, Heb. 12:15-16)

 

XIII.         MONEY (Prov. 6:1-2)

 

A.     Never repay loans

B.      Have to be asked about repayment

C.     Spend on other things instead of repaying

D.     Always begging for a loan

 

XIV.         BAD HABITS:  drinking, drugs, partying

 

XV.            TECHNOLOGY

 

XVI.         OTHER FRIENDS

 

XVII.      COMPETITION (Saul and David, I Sam. 18:7-8)

 

XVIII.   MENTAL DISORDERS

 

XIX.          SELFISHNESS

 

XX.             IDEALIZING

 

CONCLUSION

 

A.     Quotes:

1.       Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget (Unkown).

2.       A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are (Unknown).

3.       A single rose can be my garden…a single friend, my world (Leo Buscaglia).

4.       A real friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out (Walter Wenchell).

 

B.      If friends are important, then we need to take great care not to poison those relationships.

 

C.     The list of poisons is long.  It goes to show you that Satan understands the importance of our friendships and will go to great lengths to destroy them.  He is an evil adversary who longs to destroy our souls and take away our joy in this life.  One of those joys is our friendships.